i went to harry potter last night...it was amazingness! 


i didn't get home untill 3:30 ish???? then i went to work this morning....i need more coffeee in my life!

within the last 24 hours we have had 2 deaths at hilltop hanover. the first was a ewe that was nancy 's ( a 3 week old lamb)  mother. see died of heat stroke? heart failure? a virus?, we can't really figure it out. the next was my favorite little sheep, bobbie. bobbie was a month and a half year old sheep but, looked like she was only 2 weeks old, she is known as a bottle baby. her mother unfortunantely did not produce any milk which caused a big problem. bobbie has had to be bottle feed since day one. she was small, cute and sweet as could be. she would follow me around and loved to be held but, in spite of her good nature she has had one of the most painful, short lives a sheep could have. she was born with a dislocated shoulder which eventually healed itself. she also was sick many times, had second degree sunburn on her ears and then suffered from heatstroke and an infection for the past day and a half. 

yesterday she was brought to the bianco's where she was cooled down and slept. then she took a turn for the worse this morning, her breathing was shallow and labored, she was trembling and we couldn't figure out why. we gave her a shot of b12 and penicillin however this effort was futile. she was brought back to the farm and reunited with her mother, then she passed away. seeing anything died in front of your eyes is so unnatural and surreal, it is even worse when you are holding them. 

but that's life right, its just one big circle but, god i hate it sometimes.

hmmmm wanted to post something but, i am not sure what to say....


oh my insomnia has come back!!! yayayaya!!! 

and its quite hot out but, i like it! now it at least feels like summer. 

i am very very upset about not going to camp this year, i am not quite sure how i am going to survive without seeing everyone, especially a  certain someone, who lately i haven't been able to stop thinking about. 


bleehhhhhhhh i'm off! that was my little rant, randomness for the day, ciao!



~And don't waste time getting to the point, 'cause I'm, I'm patiently waiting~
For your next phone call, your next excuse for losing sleep again
Tell me what you think about being open,
About being honest with yourself

~'Cause things will never be the same~

i am so excited tomorrow morning i get to go meet with Emmanuel Sserwadda the head of international relationships in africa through the episcopal. i keep getting butterflies when i realize that this makes me one more step closer to my dream of doing aids relief work in africa. hopefully this meeting with him will help me establish more connections in africa and help me to find a group of people i could interview. 




mission project plan so far: 

- go to africa more specifically botswana through the brooks school exchange program
- interview aids victims, young adults, children, teachers, health services workers, etc. to find out what they need from the government, more specifically what health services/medication/health centers, etc. they need
- lobby for _________ through phone calls, letters, emails,etc, to government officials 



eeeehhhh i hope this all will work out somehow!

These past few days have seemed like an emotional roller coaster, and no i swear its not just hormones or teen angst. I hate this feeling of constant frustration; i feel like a bomb waiting to explode into tears or throw something. The slightest thing can trigger me and send me into a fit. these emotional spams leave me exhausted. I guess its time to hit up the shrink and get things all sorted out but, i think i have an idea about what's bugging me...

it is thunder-storming and it makes me happy :)

Today is the start of my new livejournal account but, more importantly it is the start of the revival of the old me. I seemed to have lost myself this year. I got swept up this year in a whirlwind full of my new school, new environment, new people, new experiences, just everything  and I am not happy with the results. 

Since being home i seemed to have crawled into my old shell and reverted to my old ways and i have never felt happier. Dirty hippiness, audaciousness and so much more has come back to me. I feel normal again and most of all i finally feel content and satisfied, something i have not felt much of this year. 

However with all this happiness and comfort, a rather grim realization has hit me; I am ashamed and embarrassed by who i was this past year. I do not feel I was myself most of the time and the results of this were an awful first impressions, regretful actions and a great deal of damage to my friendships and relationships with the people in my life. So to whom ever reads this and was negatively affected by me i want to applogize. I am sorry for who i've been. 

So I am making a change, kind of, its more like rewinding...alot. I know you can't turn back time but, this is my attempt; this is my amendment. I just hope that this pre-boarding school me can stay around and make it through this next year without changing for the worse again. 





~I wouldn't trade my place~
I got no reason to be
Weathered and withering
Like in a season of the old me

Bust the lock off the front door
Once you're outside you won't want to hide anymore
Like the light on the front porch
Once it's on you're never wanna turn it off anymore
And now it's on

~Now it's on~